Smooth as silk

I was conflicted what I should write about for my first substantive post. Should it be a little background (I'm a law student in New York), maybe a rant on something that is bothering me (Stuart A Scott), perhaps an amusing anectode (like the time my buddy got shit on in India). Then I realized that no one is reading this anyway, except for Dunes who so nicely commented without saying anything. I have kept this anonymous in the spirit of complete revelation and honesty, and can therefore tell no one I know about MLAAF, so what I write today doesn't matter, as long as it doesn't suck. So here is what I will write about today: shaving. I hope it doesn't suck.

I like to keep my business in order, if you know what I mean. The girls prefer it, and who am I to argue. So today I'm trimmin the hedge, and start to wonder, why not go all the way? I mean, guys in pornos do it (or so I'm told), so there must be some advantages. Perhaps increased mojo, less flossing, increased bloodflow, whatever. I mean, whatever it is, it must work, they're the kings of their domain, right? So I decide to step it up, and become king of my own domain, which at that time meant the bathroom. After some mach 3 action I'm smooth as silk. Then I see myself in the mirror and start to think "hey, those bodybuilder guys shave their chests (or so I'm told), they seem to do alright with the girls, maybe there's some correlation...". Ok, I didn't actually think that, I'm just trying to think up some reason after the fact. Anyways, I whip out the razor and shave my chest. Now I'm beginning to look a little like a 12 year old boy, not a pornstar bodybuilder, but Frog has never been known for his restraint. What's next on the agenda? My ass. Bye bye peach fuzz. Now I'm turning back and forth, admiring my handiwork in the mirror, and the horror of what I've done starts to sink in. I am now hairless from my neck to my upper thighs. Combined with my decently hairy legs and arms, I look absolutely ridiculous. I realize that I have neither the equipment to be a pornstar, nor the muscles to be a bodybuilder, and it is probably not the lack of hair that qualifies one for either of those vaunted careers. I'm sure I have ingrown hairs and unbearable itchiness to look forward to, and for what? I can't show anyone I know (hey roommate, check out what I did!), and this isn't something that I feel would play in my favor with any new girls I might meet. I think the complete shave is an idea you bring up after a few months of dating, not something you drop the first time you see each other naked. So in the end, really, I suppose all I'm left with is another self excuse for why I'm still single, and an itch I can't scratch in public.